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Jan. 1st, 2020

[ashley] huh

THIS IS JOURNALPHOBIC (PUBLIC atm)



about the journal
This is mainly a personal journal, where I write about my life. At the moment, I'm trying to restructure it, so hopefully I'll be posting some creative writing and maybe essays as well. You can find my MUSIC TASTES on last fm and my tumblr will have my ART, PHOTOGRAPHY, FASHION, PICSPAMS, and FANDOM posts.


about me
I'm a 19 year old student in Cambridge, MA, studying physics and astronomy. In spite of the amount of my life dominated by science, I have a lot of artsy tendencies. It'd be more likely to find my spending my day drawing and painting, reading a fantasy novel, watching a movie marathon, browsing used records, or walking around the city with my camera. I like crafts, biking adventures, and cooking. Feel free to drop a comment and add.

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May. 28th, 2011

[ashley] dark

the triumphant return

1. I'm trying to do some restructuring on my online identity, which is to figure out, with all the web services that exist out there, what I'm going to use for what. To avoid double posting things, I want to keep things separate. So tumblr gets my art, photography, fashion, and music posts. Facebook is where real life goes. What's left for livejournal? I really am not sure. I think in the approaching weeks, I want to use it for more writing. I'm trying to resist the urge to delete all my livejournal entries, which is what I commonly do when I decide to change my livejournal ...

2. I finished my FRIENDS CUT, which basically just removed everyone but maybe a handful of people. This is really no offense to anyone and really my fault for not being able to keep up on your lives. I can't handle so much on my friends list at the moment, so I don't want to maintain the illusion that I can. Plus you're only missing out on my (rare, non-existent, anyway) posts. If you really want to be my friend (I don't know why ...), then I can always add you back, no problem. If you want to keep up a correspondence that I can actually handle, consider snail mailing! I've been picking up loads of penpals lately... For whoever's left on my friends list, hopefully I'll be spamming your entries with more comments.

3. This summer, I'm living on campus and I'll be working on a project that I'm highly underqualified for. It makes me nervous, but I'll be learning a lot (hopefully), that will be very useful for my career and finding jobs in the future. I haven't started yet, and my supervisor has been very confused as to all the logistics of my start date. I'm figuring it out, but once I get going, I'll be fine. For the science-inclined, I'm doing analysis on the publicly released data from the Kepler project, namely on binary star systems.

EDIT: 4. Oh god, I forgot to mention that I finished school, like a week ago. I managed to pass everything, and even did better than expected. I somehow pulled a B out of my ass, for a class I thought I was on the verge of failing. I love how a 65 in one class is the B/C boundary and a 69 in another class got me a C-.

May. 11th, 2011

[aya] pull cheek

ugh

I can't think straight right now. I have a headache and I just spent the last three hours with a realtor looking at 8 apartments. Finals are next week and I haven't studied yet. I am going to do shitty in my classes anyway in spite of any effort. I'm about to go to the gym.

tldr; I feel no motivation to write livejournal entries, and as much as I try to keep up and comment, I'm not sure if I can do that either. And I feel bad that I can't, so I'm going to be realistic and honest. So HIATUS for the moment, and FRIENDS CUT because I can't really keep up with everyone and it's not fair to you.

In other news, I have been starting a lot of letter writing/pen paling, so if you're interested in that, leave me a message/comment.

May. 2nd, 2011

[ashley] huh

marky mark



Sorry for the spam, but I just remembered: all last week me and my friends kept hearing rumors that Marky Mark, Mark Wahlberg was at our school gym, working out and playing basketball. We were naturally skeptical, but I heard it from a good source that, Yes, he has been to the gym a few times, with his assistant and family. Apparently he's been filming a movie in the area (lol wut, he wishes for his teddy bear to be real and it comes true?). hahah how bizarre.

May. 1st, 2011

[aya] pull cheek

(no subject)

I'm shit at livejournal. And also tumblr, so don't feel bad, I haven't abandoned this place. I read my friends list all the time, but I've been a comment slacker. I'll get around to it soon, the year is almost done. Finals are ridiculously soon, and I will be trying to make my best effort not to completely fail out of school. I'll update with something more substantial soon, but I have to get my laundry!
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Apr. 14th, 2011

[ashley] huh

(no subject)

I think I'm lactose intolerant. Just discovering this, kthxbai.
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Apr. 13th, 2011

[ashley] huh

eh

failed my exam. basically it was way too long, way too hard, but it was mostly my fault because i was too fucking stressed out that day and i had a freak out during the exam and blanked. didn't get myself to calm down until it was too late, and salvage enough points to still not pass. i still have the final, but i can't think about that at the moment when i have two exams in two other classes coming up. one of which is tomorrow.

in better news, i have a job for the summer. maybe. it involves a lot of computer programming. which i don't have any experience in. ok, that ... will be interesting.

in the best news, my post-workout recovery shake tastes like vanilla ice cream.

Apr. 12th, 2011

[hm] studious

i might explode

"So how are grades?"
"Well, to be honest, [explanation of how heavy my workload was last semester and how I didn't do as well as I would have liked], but I've eased up this semester and hopefully the work I've done will show through. Overall, I am satisfied with my GPA."
"Well what really matters is if grad schools are satisfied."



God, this is why I hate this fucking place so much and how so many people here get ridiculously unhappy. You nearly get to the point where you can build up confidence in yourself again, and they knock it down like you're a tiny machine whose sole purpose is to churn out numbers, facts, and maybe thesis. They make me feel so stupid, I stopped caring about learning because it was futile. I'm trying my best, it'd help if you guys weren't such assholes about it. Well, at least you're giving me a job. Maybe.

I've peaked in stress for the year, maybe. Right now. I tend to deal with stress by checking out completely and I've settled into this apathy for the past couple years. I need to learn how to give a damn again, but that's a longterm goal. At the moment, I need to pass my statistical physics exam--which is in less than two hours. I need to write up a proposal for a research project I just learned about today, so I can get funding and have a definite job this summer (oh, and it's going to be mostly programming based and did I mention I don't have any programming experience?). Holy fuck, I've really let this stress build up on the side. I would like to get B's this semester, please, physics gods, be gentle. I have another big exam next week for quantum physics, and one this Thursday in another subject which is less important though still annoying.

I need to stop second guessing my decision to major in physics, because I am too lazy to really commit to the work. Yes, it demands 25 hours of my day and in the end, I'll probably have very little to show for it. But I guess it's my life and I chose it to be my life, so I better give a damn and try harder.

ugh ihatethisfuckingplaceihatethisfuckingplaceihatethisfuckingplaaace. /rant

Mar. 23rd, 2011

[aya] pull cheek

i hate myself

I'm on tumblr. I think I'm going to keep personal blogging, life updates, ramblings, rants--basically anything of actual word content on here. I'm going to put graphics, picspams, outfit posts, videos, music, art, photography--over there. Things I would want to share with people without the hassle of it being under my friends lock. I don't know yet if I'm planning to double post things. It wouldn't be hard, but it would seem beyond the point.

I still find tumblr to be vapid and annoying and self-absorbed in many respects. It's the blog in bite-sized format for the masses who don't bother to have an attention span long enough to look at a proper post. Half the time it's like it's trying too hard. Why did I join? I want to share things with my friends, and it's either this or facebook. Anyway, we shall see what happens.
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Mar. 22nd, 2011

[ashley] huh

a picspam exercise

guise, I used to picspam everything. Even things I hated, just to revel and share the experience with others. I want to get into again, just even if I'm doing it to make use of the various photo processing programs on my computer, collecting dust and wasting hard drive space. I don't know how well I'll keep up with it during the school year, but it is sort of mindlessly relaxing--the batch processes, the tedious manual screencapping. Well, here goes:


oo pretty colorsCollapse )

So I got linked to this video from something else, and otherwise, would never have encountered the music of some random Disney teen star. It's weird though, from the two seconds of Hannah Montana that I have ever watched, I would have assumed Haley Joel Osment's little sister would end up in a pop-rock scene. It's surprising that she'd come out with this dance single. Anyway, it's pretty generic, but catchy and the video is actually sort of interesting. Ignoring immediate comparisons to Lady Gaga (because if anyone has an interesting hair-do or outfit, they must be automatically ripping off Lady Gaga, right?), this video has the feel of part-Tron, part-Janelle Monae (sci-fi, robot-esque dancing), and part-America's Best Dance Crew (with the masked back-up dancers). Only bizarre thing to me is how much she looks like Carrie Underwood here and there.

Sigh, I need to think up better and more interesting formats for picspamming. Here's the video:

[ashley] huh

concert report


I went to a Simian Mobile Disco show last night. If you hadn't heard of them before now, then I basically have known them for like, two weeks before you. Why did I go, then? I thought it would be fun (it was) and it never gets old--being able to go to a ticket window and pick up your free tickets because you're "from a radio station." I had a good time though, in spite of the beer spilled on my boots and the place being as sweaty as balls.

I probably should cut thisCollapse )

Future plans: hopefully I'll see Warpaint next week (ugh I have to get started on homework then), and oh yeah I'm on spring break. I want to get back into picspamming and I read The Bell Jar. It snowed here on the spring equinox. I watched a marathon of the Jersey Shore. My mom won't stop feeding me cake.

Mar. 19th, 2011

[zooey] beach

hay babi isn't ur name michelle or sumthing, can i hav yo numba

It's been pretty beautiful in Boston lately. Freakish weather or tell-tale-signs of the upcoming spring equinox? Either way, last night I was going back to my dorm after having gone to see a movie with a friend. I was starved so I bought a sandwich and I took my sweet time walking back, just enjoying the calmness and the lights of the city across the river. I decided to sit around for a while (albeit in a secluded type of area so I wouldn't just be randomly sitting on the street). At one point a group of three early twenty-ish year-old guys are walking by in front of me. Of course, in situations of awkwardness such as these, I press my earbuds tighter into my ears and pull out my cellphone to stare at it aimlessly as I chew my sandwich. I figured they would just walk by, but then I realized they had stopped. One of them had walked up towards me, and I stood to attention, expecting they were going to ask me directions or something.

Guy: Do you go to [this school]?
Me: (still thinking he was going to ask for directions) Yes
Guy: Wait, is your name Michelle?
Me: ... uhh no.
Guy: Really? God, I swear you look like this girl Michelle.
Me: Yep. Not Michelle.
Guy: What's your name?
Me: (gears turning in my head) Uhm, I don't know you.
Guy: Well, my name is Bruno and I'm from Somerville. Is that enough?
Me: Not really, sorry. (about to get up to leave)
Guy: Are you really that scared of me or something?
Me: No, sorry, I'm just about to meet someone (which was true).

And then I walked off and didn't look back. Just wondering, do people randomly hit on strangers on the street in the middle of the night? (I texted a friend about it afterwards and she replied: Yes. When they're drunk.) Is this something that happens a lot? Does it work? I can just imagine him saying right before, "Hay guise, look at this asian girl, I bet her name is Michelle." What the fuck, seriously? lololol.

Also this is the movie I went to go see. It was at a Catherine Deneuve film festival. Underwhelming lesbian love scene. David Bowie! Too many billowing curtains.

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Mar. 18th, 2011

[ashley] huh

memes and shit.


God this was so inconvenient I can not even get started. It's dancingintro's fault completely. You can guess the questions because I don't even care.
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Mar. 14th, 2011

[zooey] happy

why do they call them roofies if you end up on the floor

Shit, I had such a good weekend. I don't even have an entry tag for gud timez or being happy about something, isn't that depressing? Lol, or just that I only post when I have things to bitch about, and not really about when I have a good time.

I feel like I fell out of a Hangover style vortex, and me and my friends today were all trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together to figure out what the fuck happened at the party on Saturday night. Unfortunately, unlike The Hangover, no one had a camera (or maybe luckily, because there would probably be too many pictures of random dudes' penises), so we couldn't just use pictures to try to patch together our memories.

As a summary, the hall I live on at my dorm throws an annual party called Article II. Dress code is two articles of clothing maximum. All right, it sounds sleazy, but I found it more to be a fun-driven environment of people just being comfortable around each other, rather than particularly over-sexual. That is, compared to the fifth-east Mardi Gras party, where you can earn beads by completing tasks for other people and vice versa/use your beads to make people do things. aka, weak excuse for randomly making out with strangers and attention whoring, blahblahblahbitch.

Anyway, it was actually pretty fun. I was bartending for a good amount of it, theoretically and_away_i_g0 was also bartending but she's pretty much the worst ever lol, other than at high fiving everyone who wanted tequila and randomly instigating hook ups among people like your magical fairy godmother of making out. I definitely ended up being covered in various alcoholic liquids. Fun facts: people are lame and mostly drink screwdrivers and vodka cranberries. If one person asks for a white Russian, everyone else there will suddenly want one too. Coffee liqueur is sticky. When random people hand you jello pies, check them for drugs first. Also, jello pies are awesome. Don't be such a fair bartender, definitely should have given special treatment to the people that complimented me lol. British accents are attractive. Socks are not good for stuffing a guy's shirt so he can look like the 8 year-old prostitute he's dressed as. There should be more events like this so girls can show off their cute lingerie to people who will appreciate it (other girls, not guys who probably just want to take it off).

Lulz were to be had everywhere. I can't describe it, I'm like still laughing about it all. Like, I need to write a thinly-veiled "fictionalized" account of the night in short story format.
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Mar. 12th, 2011

[yamapi] sexy

(no subject)

article II tonight. annual floor party. dress code: no more than 2 articles of clothing. i love my floor. ♥
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Mar. 5th, 2011

[ashley] huh

drunk post, because i finally wanted the tag

i'm repainting my door, somehow. i don't know what, but i'm sitting here in my panties, waiting for the primer to dry. my life definitely sucks and something, somehow. failure of trying to go out? (by out I mean over to the other side of my dorm) but going out and failure of doing much (ugh not outgoing friends, or outgoing friends were fucking busyyyy, party where you can exchange mardi gras beads like money, how did i not end up with at least one drunken make out session wtff when i witnessed three occur in front of me in line for drinks), and now repainting my door. i'm hoping i'm more creative while intoxicated. huzzah
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Mar. 4th, 2011

[ashley] huh

let's be penpals right now

oh my gosh let's be penpals, friends list. I just got a letter from reqbat in my mailbox today, literally minutes ago, and it was amazing. I have a shitload of stationary but unfortunately it's at home, so I'll have to figure out what I'll send back to her. But omigosh, so excite! Other cool things I got in the mail this week:




Mhmm, oh yeaaaah. Bike lube, sewing kit (also the rate of holes I found in my clothes increased lately too), camera strap, and lifting book. Allright now I should go do something that probably isn't studying for my statistical physics exam next week. And by that, I hope I mean getting drunk at Mardi Gras parties tonight.
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Feb. 27th, 2011

[aya] pull cheek

impulsive hair cutting and other musings


I cut my hair the other day. It's the first time I've done any significant damage since about last Christmas when I decided I was going to grow my hair out. Over a year and half later of being deprived of one of my most cathartic hobbies, I chopped off a couple of inches on the side of my head yesterday. Now I have what looks like a side-undercut that that has been growing out for a couple of weeks. It doesn't show up that well on these webcam photos, but it doesn't look too bad. Actually, I like it a lot and it's something I had been planning to do for the summer, but I guess I did it a few months early. I also re-colored the ends of my hair, but the teal-ish blue doesn't show up in the photos either.

And this is all of course, because I have some sense of self-importance that you all give a fuck about my hair, haha. Well, the premature hair change was probably 80% motivated by the fact that I am now officially, finally single now. And after months and months of trudging through a shitty situation and almost-break-ups, I feel like--as much as I'm still a little in shock--that he did nothing but pronounce a corpse as dead, long after it began rotting away on the slab. I don't do the relationship justice by comparing it to decaying flesh, but I no longer feel like I'm overwhelmed and swayed by nostalgic reminisces into the "golden days" of before-everything-got-fucked-up. Whatever, it began and then it happened and then it ended.

I think my hardest problem is redefining my college experience. Because the relationship began relatively early in my freshman year, it was closely intertwined with my college life. I've also been living the same dorm room as I did in my freshman year, so it's as much of "a place I spent my time in college at" as much as it is "a place I spent my time with him at." OK, sometimes I just get tired of being myself, and whichever aspect of that I'm frustrated with, it helps to change something that is a bit more tangible and controllable. Strange, I don't ever write or draw to vent, like some of my friends do. I vent by cutting hair, dyeing it, transforming the way I look at myself in the mirror, or changing the structure of my life. Cleaning my room, rearranging my furniture. Something that makes me feel "Well, there was all that shit, and look at how things can be different now." I think I might be having a hard time in my room at the moment, still. Maybe if frebreeze could get his smell completely out of my comforter, or if I could redefine the space as mine again. I think I might just end up taking the easy way out: me and two of my friends are getting an apartment next year, rather than living on campus. If anything, I'm more excited to start a life in a new place,, without so many memories.

God I sound sappy. All right, let's move on from that bullshit. Last night, I went to a super-fun parody concert/skit event performed by one of our acapella groups. Involves being pelted with toilet paper in all directions. I didn't bring a camera, but I will post pictures when I get some from a friend ...
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Feb. 21st, 2011

[ashley] huh

god, I feel like a lazy motherfucker


Damn, this kid is more than a decade ahead of me. Nothing like looking at job listings to make me feel better about myself ...
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Feb. 19th, 2011

[ashley] huh

from the pages of my sketchbook

Art dump of recent stuff. Or I guess recent in terms of whenever I last posted things. I've been trying to get into painting too. The ones here are acrylics. I also have the tendency to look over my old drawings, when I was younger and had more creativity. I then steal those characters and redraw them, which account for 90% of the drawings here. I actually have a few of the original drawings for comparison ...

sup?Collapse )
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